Quick Joke 1
The Amish Hand Warmer: An amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." the mother replied "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"



Quick Joke 2
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"

The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?"

"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"

To hopefully avoid any more speeding tickets and getting my license suspended again, I have bought an escort 8500 x50 Blue, heard they were the best from many different reviews s im hopinh its true. 300 off of ebay, but it should pay for itself in the next few years. Anybody got some good driving stories??
My worst one is my third ticket, I was trying to test out my cars pickup so on a side road I got up to like 95 then slowed down for turns were coming up, not to mention the police station was only a mile behind me, got down to 65 and of course, even though ive only seen a cop on this road pasing me about 3 times in my life and ive drove down there like every other day almost... so hes coming the other way and after he passes me he throws on his lights, so i figure hey hes gotta turn around and everything so i got time to run... my street was only a mile down the road, so I jump back up to 110 and fly to my street ad start to slow down to make the turn and what do i see behind me a cop going at least 150 over a hill and launching towards me, so im like fuck, throw on my blinker slow down and take the turn to my street and try to pretend i did nothing wrong.. he pulls me over and comes up to me, im so nervous now because who knows what kinda ticket ill get now, so I dont even notice my radar detecetor is going beepbeepbeep the entire time, until the cop comes to my window and is like shut that fuckin thing off. Im like oops, my bad. Then he asks me were you trying to run from me... and i just innocently say noo, im not stupid. and hes like ok, takes my license and registration and goes to his car... so overall not bad, just got a ticket for 300 bucks or something, got let off easy, well except it was my secon ticket while i was under 18 or something so then my license gets taken away for 6 months, which defintely sucked, but overall wasnt that bad cuz i was living at college anyway and had friends that went to school with me and were able to drive me back and forth if needed. God I hate cops though. Damn Pigs, at least my gfs dad is a cop so now i have a hook up to get out of that stupid shit.